I regret.. My life..

He Died, She Survived.Because She Survived, She Died Everyday.1 (2)I am a lady, 29 years old. I got married in 2009 to a software engineer. I too am a software engineer. I work as a lecturer and my husband worked in a software firm. We got married at an early age 24-25. Life was good, really good. We both were planning to buy our own house in next coming years. My husband used to love me. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary in goa. It’s a beautiful place.
Years passed, it’s 2014 already. We now had enough savings to buy a house with a small loan. We did not plan for children till then. Two of us together had the perfect life one could think of!! Late night drives, coffees, movies and unlimited talks about future plans….. Ahhh! Those were the days.
We were about to finalize our home but suddenly one day my husband complained about chest pain. He took it light and got some gastric or antacid medicines. I too didn’t worry much and told him to take a nap.
He slept for 4-5 hrs in the evening. I wanted to wake him up for dinner. I thought for a while and went to our bedroom. He was sleeping. I cuddled him for few minutes.. He woke up and kissed me. I smiled thinking his pain must be gone and he is doing better now. I kept quiet and let him hugged me tight. He hold my hands and kissed me gently. He said,”I love you and will always do, I want to live with u till the end of my life”. I was clueless of his such behavior. He hardly got emotional, maybe that was one such day. I closed my eyes and wanted to listen to him more & more. He, then continued,”love me forever, I m lucky to have u as my wife. Please don’t forget me ever”
This line made me little emotional and few small tears came out of my eyes. He wiped them gently. I was still in his arms. I could not speak anything, I just wanted to live that moment. He hugged me even more tight. Few minutes later, his phone rang. It was 11:00 pm, 21st march 2015.
Suddenly, I felt he is leaning on me and all his weight is slowly pushing me back. I hold him and asked to stand back, but he fell down….
I cried so hard that my neighbors heard my voice and knocked our door. I tried to put him on the bed but was unable to do it alone. I ran towards the door and asked my neighbors for immediate help. Someone called the ambulance and few were helping me in putting my husband on the bed.
I knew it somewhere in my mind that I have lost him. Doctor came with ambulance and declared him dead.
It was a silent heart attack. He never had BP or sugar or any other health issues.
After few days, I regained my consciousness.
I was at home with my parents around. They told me what all happened in those 8 days after his death.
My life is finished. I have seen my life with him, but now nothing is left.
I am 29 yrs old and he was 30. I never thought I would lose him at this early age. He died one day, I die daily. I think of him every minute. All those precious moments with him are my lifeline.
I wanted to tell him that I love him so much, will love him forever. But I didn’t say.
I wanted to give birth to his children. But I didn’t do.
I wanted to talk to him for hours on his last day, but I kept quiet.
I regret above all decisions of my life. I wish I could love him little more that day, I wish I could sense his pain. I wish we both were together today…
I wish we had a kid soon after our marriage.
I am alone. I miss him. I miss him daily and I regret every day.
Life is short..very very short. Live each moment. Try not to regret later and do everything when u want to do, don’t wait for anything to happen; just make it happen.
I am hopeless and clueless, but I am sure I will find my way of living.
I will meet him one day….someday in heaven. I will tell him how much I love him, how much I missed him. One day I too will hug him tight… Will hold his hands and promise him that I won’t leave him ever; I will love him forever….like this and even more..one day I will walk with him holding his hands.
One day, in heaven, people will stare us laughing hard. We will meet..someday, one day..!

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